Always bitten....never shy...

And there it goes...again...but strangely it came around in a matter of just two months. Am I really a magnet for self-destruction...? When will I learn...probably never....should I change.. at least try...heck no..!
Standing at the crossroads again, its that time of life where I make a choice, not really out of choice. Choices make us who we really are and going by that I can feel this imaginary tattoo on my forehead which says, DUH..!
Am I really that naive and such an easy target..? Whatever happened to the street-smart, confident, independent me...where does that person disappear at times when it matters most to stick around. Why does the 'Cow-me' emerge almost instantaneously...as if its always just waiting around the corner to jump out and play the self-sacrificial part. Will I never get it...ever. Should I give up...or give life another chance to teach me another lesson which I know for sure I would never use. I dont even know where I'm headed anymore....

The 'fitting room'...

The last two days have been amazing. A new revelation has made come to terms with a lot of realities in my life and not only gracefully accept them but be proud of them as well. Sometimes life goes into a mode where you start doing a lot of soul-searching, to find answers to a lot of questions or ask a lot of questions to yourself to make your thoughts fit in as 'appropriate answers'. Whatever the outcome, the time is well spent. Everybody needs that time with 'self' just like a dip check, like a reassurance that we are fine.

So my expedition this time made me venture out in the most coveted and probably the most 'touchy' part of human existence. Relationships. With so much happening with and around me, I couldn't have thought of something else. All my life I have been thinking that i'm miserable at relationships. I can't keep a relationship going smooth for more than, two years, thats the maximum I have been in one till date. So why does it not last. My friends tell me that I always fall in love with the 'wrong' people. But I have never believed in 'right' or 'wrong'.

I got my answer this time. Its funny and ironical at the same time, that nowadays people come together in a relationship because they misunderstand each-other and split when they finally 'understand' each-other. Why have relationships become a joke? Is it so easy to 'turn-on' your feelings for someone, and when it doesn't work, conveniently 'turn-off' the switch and walk out of the room, shutting the door behind. Why am I not able to get over the people I fell in love with as easily as everyone seems to be doing around me.

I have always felt like a misfit. I just couldn't understand why it was so difficult for me to move-on. What was I made of. Until, a couple of days back, a good friend of mine wrote something on my facebook status, which changed everything. He, in a matter of few words, expressed what I couldn't put words to all my life.

Love...is nothing but a perception of what you feel. In todays day and age, love is all about convenience and practicality. If the other person comes true on your perception of love, then you think that you love the person, when in reality its just an adjustment, a compromise.

There, the answer to all my questions. So that was it, my definition of love was totally different. I never saw love in the light of practicality and convenience. I just 'loved'. Without conditions, inhibitions, pre-conceived notions etc. etc. I could fall in love with the stranger I travel to work with in the metro everyday, or just about anybody.

I can recall the lyrics of the famous song by one of my all time favorite boy-bands, Backstreet Boys, 'I don't care who you are, where your from, what you do, As long as you love me...'

I no longer care if I'm a misfit. I don't want to 'fit-in' anymore. If out of a 100 people today, 99 think practically about love and I'm the only one who doesn't, i'm not bothered. I'm happy that I 'love' and most importantly, 'I love truly'...

Inspiration

Im inspired. And the inspiration doesnt come from a movie, a book or some famous personality. Most of the times my inspiration comes from people around me. People I have always been with. People who, by just living their lives, the way they do everyday, inspire me beyond anything. Watching them building their lives, brick by brick, every single day, causes me to think. Is it really the destination that matters, or the journey that we should concentrate on. Where are we taking all these lessons we claim to be 'learning' while leading our lives. A broken relationship prepares us to be better at the next one. But does that mean that we'll become 'perfect' one day. Perfection doesnt exist they say. One day, we give up and settle for imperfection and then spend the rest of our lives 'perfecting' it.
Went to watch Turning 30 yesterday and really liked it.Different emotions shown in different shades. A woman who was not ashamed to be open about her emotions. Refusing to let go 'everytime'. I strongly believe in karma, what goes around comes around. But the question are you willing to wait n watch when 'it' does come around. Life is very powerful. It doesnt let you be in one place in time, it moves you on. So, you keep waiting, and eventually when 'it' does come around, it doesnt matter anymore.